I don’t know if I really have 44 things, but it appears that in today’s society, in order for anything to reach Buzzfeed worthy news status, a numeral must be part of the some attention grabbing title. Today I saw a blurb something along the lines of 8 Things I Won’t Do With My Vagina. To which I thought Only 8? Really? Because as I type, I’ve already come up with a list of 498 things I won’t do with my vagina. I’m pretty sure by the time I’m done with this post I’ll be up to 10,387 things which may limit my chance being swiped right on Tinder…which leads me to #1.
1.) The 20 somethings I worked with tried to convince me I needed to sign up for the Tinder App. Why not just take me back to second grade and line me up for choosing teams for dodge ball…because who doesn’t want the healthy girl?
2.) Camp still waters down the KoolAid in order to quench the thirst of 200 little kids every day (and I mean that literally not metaphorically.)
3.) Sunsets are always better over water.
4.) Rainy day activities don’t have to suck.
5.) British accents make everything sound better even if they are saying, The third toilet stall in the girls bathroom is clogged due to an enormous piece of dooky. Seriously, say it out loud. A clogged toilet isn’t a big deal anymore is it? In fact, it sounds like sunshine and rainbows.
6.) Mosquitoes are drawn to light…expecially the light in the bathrooms.
7.) Spiders are drawn to mosquitoes…especially the mosquitoes in the bathrooms.
8.) Camp bathrooms are gross thanks to the myriad of mosquitoes and spiders.
9.) Say #8 in a British accent, and you forget about the dooky filled toilets and the spiders in the showers.
10.) If you work at the same camp your kid attends, she suddenly thinks you are cool because you can hook her cabin up with cool after hours snacks and shenanigans.
11.) I developed a love/hate relationship with millenials.
12.) I hated them when they mocked the one article of anything I’ve found that had my name on it.
13.) And then I love them all over again when I’d look up and see this walking past me into the dish room. (It became a contest. Because when you are holed up together for nine weeks straight, everything becomes a contest.)
14.) Then they’d forget to unload the van or leave the freezer door open all night, and I’d go into this mode.
15.) Then one of them would snap a shot of said mode, and another would feel the need to mention that said shot wasn’t very flattering and I better not share it if I wanted to hook up on Tinder.
16.) But he said it with a British accent so he got a doughnut.
17.) I got to hang out with Peter, Paul and Mary.
(In case you were wondering I’m up to 2,489 things I won’t do with my vagina. Take that Buzzfeed writers.)
18.) Nothings smells as good as a campfire.
19.) Until you go and stick your hands in it. (He’s a millennial…go figure.)
20.) Camp friends are still your best friends…even 25 years later.
21.) The words, This is a repeat after me song, still send me screaming.