This past weekend God in His graciousness reminded me that not only do adults going through divorce hurt…so too do the children involved, and because I’m a Mom, it’s my job to stand in the gap, not just for my girls, but for all the children out there, young and old affected by divorce.
I’m a mom, and I’m terrified. I don’t use that word lightly, God. On the outside people see something other than what is roiling around inside of me. I heard words like strong, confident and resilient when people tell me what they see. But you see my mind and my heart. You know my innermost being, and you know…you know how angry and scared and pained I am for my daughters now that they have to now be Children of Divorce. I don’t know what to do with all of these emotions, so I’m just going to be honest with you and cry out to you on their behalf.
Dear God, please guard their eyes. Help them to recognize that everyone else and every other family has their struggles too -that what they see isn’t always what is true, and not to judge their situation by the situation of others. Open their eyes to the beauty of the world around them…for there is beauty to be seen every day. Every.Single.Day.
Dear God, please guard their ears. Especially when in my anger and loneliness and exhaustion, I let things slip out that shouldn’t.
Dear God, please guard their mouths. Don’t let them be like me, God. Just don’t. Please.
Dear God, please guard their ears. Keep them from hearing conversations between adults that could hurt or harm them more than they already are. Give them good things to hear instead…loads of good things like music, and laughter and instruction and wisdom.
Dear God, please guard their hands. May they always be hands that do good. Always. Even when they don’t feel like it.
Dear God, please guard their feet. I can’t always be there now to guide them like I could in the past. Take them only to the places that are best for them. And when they are tempted to walk down a path that isn’t in their best interest, show them a different trail. A better one. There’s always a better one, God.
Dear God, please guard their minds. Guard them from doubt and despair and depression. I know you can use these emotions as vehicles to perfect us, just please don’t allow them to go down any path of any one emotion that they can’t handle. Instead fill their minds with HOPE. Did you see that, God? I wrote it in all caps so there’s no mistaking what I’m asking for here.
Dear God, Please guard their hearts. Repair the damage done by parents who have let them down. Fill those closed off parts that I can’t see and don’t know about with Your love -the love that transforms.
Finally, God, please guard their spirits. This world is a hard place, and this divorce has just made it a lot harder on my girls at a much younger age than I ever experienced. Don’t let this experience break them. Don’t let it set them back. Don’t let it keep them from being and doing all the great things I KNOW you have for them to Be and Do. God, never for a moment have I doubted they are here to do something BIG, but God, I just don’t know how it will happen. I’m angry…so angry because they deserve so much better than this big pile of shit that’s been dropped on them. I prayed and prayed and prayed for this family to remain intact.
And you shut the door, God. You SLAMMED it hard in my face.
People tell me trite things like God has something better planned for you or You have to trust that God sees the whole picture, and In the end you are better off. God, can I admit something? I mean you know it anyway so I might as well say it out loud. God, when I hear those things from people who have no idea what it’s like to be walked out on, I just want to throat punch them.
Dear God, please help me not to throat punch people when I feel the urge…even when they deserve to be throat punched.
So, God, you and I are going to wrestle. A long time. I’m going to put Jacob to shame with my wrestling skills, because all he was worried about was his brother. I’m worried about my girls, God. Daughters trump brothers any day.
God, I know they aren’t they only ones, so I’m putting this out there for all the kids going through divorce right now. Hold them.Protect them. Guide them. Love them. Love Them.