I write sometimes about my experiences growing up in a strict Baptist church and school. I ran around Awana circles in a gym on Wednesday nights, sang songs from the Praises! song books, traveled hours on a bus to attend The Wilds camp. Needless to say, I didn’t fit the mold, but I honestly believe most of my teachers and pastors had my best interest at heart. I didn’t agree with all their teachings about what good Christian girls should wear or listen to or watch, but I’m pretty sure I was never going to win any trophies for Good Christian Girl anyway. Even as a child I saw God as much more gracious and forgiving and wild and wonderful than they… or maybe they just had no idea how scary they made God to a lot of us students.
I graduated. I moved out. I moved on, and while I am still in church, it is not the same denomination. That’s it. End of story. I still keep in touch with a lot of these people. I love them. I disagree with some of their theology, but I’d like to think we’re okay on a personal level. No one harmed me. No one touched me. Ever. In fact many of them encouraged me in my creativity, writing and acting, and they recognized that my friends and I were funny, funny girls and they laughed with us.
Almost a year ago, I discovered that at the same time I was living what I thought was a horrible existence of having to wear culottes, girls my age were being abused on a mission field in Bangladesh. I stumbled upon all this information quite by accident, and the more I read their stories, the more I was horrified, and their sites linked me to other survivor sites – some missionary kids survivors, some church kids survivors, some Christian college students, all abuse survivors.
I read, and I read and I read. I’d go back and look at dates and just shake my head thinking while I was leading my nice teenage churchy existence, some of these kids’ innocence were being yanked from their souls, and those who perpetrated these sins upon them were supposed to be trusted church leaders and teachers. There are many sites. Many stories. Many victims. And all of them deserve our time.
Sometimes I’ll read in a comment section of one of these sites something like, I don’t know why you continue to post things about so and so and such and such. God forgives; so should you. Or one of the old stand bys You are hurting the cause of Christ by talking about this publicly. This is a church matter. No, the abused aren’t hurting the cause of Christ. The abusers are. The ones who wish the abusers would just shut up and go away are. Yes, it is a church matter. But the problem is, when victims brought their stories to the church or church organization, the church didn’t listen. Or the church sent the perpetrator somewhere else. Or the church failed to contact authorities. In some cases the church didn’t even tell family members. The church isn’t a building. The church is people. If you are a follower of Christ, then you are the church, and these victims, whether you’ve ever met them or not, are your brothers and sisters, and they are crying out asking to be heard, to be affirmed, and to be told, You matter. Your stories matter. You were wronged, and we are going to move heaven and earth to help you in any way shape or form we can…
We need to tell them all of these things…and then we need to shut up and hear what they have to say.
As a child, I used to love it when missionaries came to church. They’d set up their slide shows in the Sunday evening service and show pictures of far away places. Most of them were and still are amazing people doing wonderful kingdom work. But some are not. I have no words for them. There are adult survivors who grew up as kids on the mission field among us now who bear life long scars at the hands of these people. One survivor is Tamara Rice. She is vocal and ardent and thorough and tireless. Her blog is called Hopefully Known. If you are like me and are oblivious to all that was taking place in other teenagers’ lives when you were young, please, I ask you to take a moment to hear her words. She has a lot of links and a lot of stories, and a lot of facts, and a lot of advice on how to reach out to victims. If you are a pastor or church leader, please follow her blog in order to educate yourself better on how to help the abused who come asking for help. If you are a survivor, please know that so many of us out here are waking up to what has happened. We are angry at this egregious injustice. We believe your accounts. We stand with you. We think it’s time to start turning the tables in churches and shining the light in dark places. It wasn’t adultery as some of you were told. It was abuse. You shouldn’t have been forced to confess your sins. You didn’t sin.
The church should be a safe place…and for some of you it wasn’t.It was a terrible, horrible, awful place…and maybe it still is. It’s time to help you bind up your wounds and share the load of the burden you bear.
Keep talking. Keep writing. We hear you.
This isn’t about bringing churches and institutions to their knees as some might insinuate. This isn’t about payback. It is about righting wrongs and protecting today’s children and students and bringing an end to the vicious cycle of abuse.
For more information for those who are just starting to hear these things, here are some starting points…
http://childrenofsim.wordpress.com/tag/new-tribes/
http://www.allgodschildrenthefilm.com/The_Film.htm This film is especially heart breaking as these incidents occurred in the 1950’s, and the victims are finally having their say.
http://stopbaptistpredators.blogspot.com/2013/01/baptists-should-heed-mothers-call-for.html
http://stopbaptistpredators.blogspot.com/2013/03/boots-biscuits-and-prestonwood-scandal.html
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