Women drive me nuts. I’d rather work with all men than a group of women!
Anyone else guilty of muttering these words? Any other women, I mean. For years this was my mindset. Sure, I had girlfriends – great ones at that, but something deep in my heart closed off my soul from truly loving the members of my sex. I don’t know if it was bitterness or jealousy or feelings of inadequacy or sheet stupidity on my part. It was as if these feelings represented the traffic circle of my mind, and every time I felt the pull to veer right off onto a particular path of encouragement, something or someone would yank the steering wheel back towards the left, and I’d find myself circling around again in the frustrating world of female relationships.
And then I gave birth to girls…two of them…at once. Changed my whole outlook on women.
This past Saturday, when I found myself looking down at nine year old Twin B as we were running through the campus of IUPUI in South Bend, Indiana, as part of the Girls on the Run 5k celebration, I couldn’t help but think her face reflected not only mine, but all the women in my life who shaped me, and that this time running with her was more than a race, but a culmination of 42 years of gleaning wit and wisdom from some of the most incredible women I’ve had the privilege and pleasure of working with and learning from. On more than one occasion she wanted to stop, and to be honest, she looked like she was going to hurl right there, but I’d whisper, I’m so proud of you. You can do this. You are stronger than you know.
I realized as I ran holding this future adult woman’s hand that womanhood doesn’t have to be a competition. Oh, I’m all for healthy competition – nothing wrong with it – but I think women do relationships so much more beautifully than we do competition.
The grand ladies in my life never held public office or sat on powerful boards, but that doesn’t preclude them from holding power over the hearts and futures of the next generation. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to share a few names that came to my mind as I put one foot in front of the other for 3.1 miles.
Miss Maylou – a high school teacher who instead of lecturing me and telling me I was rebellious (I heard that word a lot.), gave me the book To Kill A Mockingbird to read. It was as if she recognized the Scout in me longing to break out into understanding, and her gift of seeing past the anger and the hurt and the frustration to a diamond (her nickname for me) still brings tears to my eyes. I hope I can be the same kind of woman to just one girl.
All my childhood girlfriends from Heritage Hall Christian School in Muncie, IN. These ladies have taught me the fierceness of friendship that can span decades. We pick up right where we left off whenever we can enjoy each other’s company. I never saw any of them – not one – as competition. I realize that now, and I don’t know what has taken me so long to recognize this beautiful gift they’ve given me.
Miss Judy – my very first swim teacher who smoked like a chimney and sometimes used language I wasn’t used to, but who loved me. I could just tell it. My mom later told me that Miss Judy sometimes lived in her car – refusing help from my mom and others. I don’t know why. All I know is that none of this matters to me – all I remember is her love and her encouragement and her patience with a little girl who truly believed that monsters were going to erupt out of the grate at the bottom of the deep end of the YWCA pool and swim up to grab her and whisk her back into the great darkness. Miss Judy, wherever you are, I’ve never forgotten you.
My friend Judy whom I met at Grace Bible Church in Clarksville, TN, when my husband was stationed at Fort Campbell. A mother of five, she taught me that the gift of hospitality begins in the heart not the home, and one doesn’t need fancy trappings to make others feel comfortable. Her house was always full of laughter and love and encouragement…and people. Judy and her family recently endured gut wrenching tragedy, and all the love and kindness and encouragement she’s showed to others over the year flowed back to her 10 fold.
Fort Campbell, Kentucky held so many other great relationships for me. My friend and coworker, Hope, who pushed me to break out of my comfort zone and try new books as well as a new career. Amy, who taught me class and beauty and thrift can co-exist. Lanette and Kelsey, who held my sweet babies and forced me to rest or get out of the house when I was just too exhausted to mother my twins. It also brought a shy young woman into my life named Tana who, at the time of our meeting, neither she nor I knew what an important role she would play to both my girls and me as role of friend and caregiver. There was also my coworker and friend Lee. I had been teaching for only a few months at a school there, and to be honest, I felt like I wasn’t a very good fit in the South. But she pulled me aside one day and said, I’m so glad you are here and that we are friends. Talk about the power of a few simple words.
At our first post in Vilseck, Germany, my coworker, Catherine, taught me that positive takes on people and situations will get me much farther in life than whining and muttering while my friend, Sandi, proved a woman can have it all, but it takes, hard work, devotion, patience and a lot of love.
I’ve mentioned My Oaks from Lafayette, IN, before, but I need to highlight Yolanda and Lisa – to of the toughest, grittiest women I know. Single moms, they sacrificed so much emotionally for their children to live better lives than their own. What deep reservoirs of love those women’s souls held.
From my own family to my girlfriends scattered all over the place, I have so many more names and lives than I have room to mention. You know who you are. You are the clouds of witnesses surrounding me, and you will live on in the lives of my daughters.
Thank you all for running like girls through the portions of my life’s race that you shared with me. May my daughters be blessed with the same kind of partners.
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